JIM TRAINER'S LETTER OF THE WEEK, Dear Lover
I've Had Dreams Of You In Places I've Not Seen Before
Dear Lover
You are coming over tonight. I am having a bad day but not to worry. A bad day is desirable because a hard one can be impossible when suffering a major-depressive disorder. I’m sure you’re aware. Experience has learned and even imbued in us the wisdom of survival. We got through. We’re here today but today is precisely the problem, Lover. The proud mile and mark of glories past cannot help us in the “prison of this moment.”
The difference is medication, I suppose, and re-upping the chemicals in such short supply for we sufferers, so that we can perhaps make a different choice than between a bad or impossible day. I have tried to make this letter simple but have failed. You are coming over tonight. Whether the days are grisly or sublime, or terribly somewhere in-between, I know that all will be forgiven in your employ.
It is the lady’s pleasure that will save me and to know she’s received the current of malaise that is the package of this body. The excruciating moment will be transformed and time, otherwise grinding, will open. The seconds will be mighty and full then, with you spent beneath the fan. Working to your satisfaction is my ethic. Our bodies making one should align. Right the vessel into a straight line between heaven and earth.
To say today is Hell would be a stretch. But the time between now and when I see you is not heaven, and my lifetime ensnared and feral at the mercy of time is not free. I need to sleep lucidly, deeply, with you coiled. Your heat distilling, your shape wooing me back from foolish dreams, righted by your presence and vision that have eluded me this afternoon.
I will be righted by this chase. But this afternoon’s coffee is a far cry from the salt of your sweat, your surrender from the reaches, laying at the borderline of limit, buckling through the ceiling and grinding to the floor. Here’s to a clock-cleaner of an evening together. May you “fix” me so good. There. That's what I wanted to say.
Your love is my rest,
Jim Trainer
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